Obsession
by MissMoxxie
Summary: Things change over time. A lonely and depressed Castiel comes back to earth to give his final farewells before his stolen grace runs dry. He comes across someone he never expected to see again. Spoilers for the season finale. Many Destiels. Much Dark!Demon!Dean. Such Depressed!Suicidal!Cas (M for language and sexual themes)


**Sorry bout this piece of shit. I just felt like writing it. I hope you don't hate it.**

**Many Destiels. much Dark!Demon!Dean. Such Depressed!Suicidal!Cas**

* * *

It had taken him months to finally build up the courage to go back to earth.

A thought that had once seared like flesh to flame now only brought on a tingling void. He had no reception, only white noise. He had nothing waiting for him here. He had let the only thing he ever really cared about slip like sand through his fingers. There was no parade, no welcoming committee, no family waiting with open arms.

_No Dean…_

He dazed absentmindedly at the face staring back at him in the dirty motel bathroom mirror. It was not his own. Castiel, the very essence of an angel trapped inside this shell of a man, had no real face. Nothing was ever going to be good enough anymore. Cas felt like a machine with no purpose, a robot with no task. Anything and everything he had ever done had been for the sake of one man, and that man was gone. Dead. Sucked to the pits of hell where he will spend his eternity writing in agony and screaming out for anyone who might be listening. Cas hoped beyond hopes that his prayers might be answered. Perhaps God was hiding, maybe he was still there; ready to give Cas his wings and his powers back so he could save the only man he had ever…

No. He still screamed to open skies; his voice echoing off of oceans and hills, never to be heard.

He splashed the cold tap water on his face, hoping the feeling might reach him. His senses twitched; but it was a feeling not produced by the liquid dripping from his chin.

It was a perception he could not place; he was aware of something completely new and unique, yet it still held an air of familiarity…

Cas opened the door with a click. His silhouette reached over and flipped a switch on the wall. The dim bedside lamp flickered on; illuminating a lone figure lounging on the bed and staring back at him. The man's boots were crossed at the foot of the bunk and he cracked a quick smile.

"Castiel…"

The man's hands dropped from behind his head and he swung his legs to meet the edge of the mattress. He stood up with an air of authority, taking care to run his fingers through his hair.

"Ya know… it's really been a while. You really shoulda called…" He held out his arms in an opening gesture. "It's damn good to see ya."

The man walked cautiously around the bed and approached Cas.

"You and I… we got a lot to catch up on." The distance between them shrank. The man's footsteps came to a halt in front of the angel. He looked upon Cas expectantly. "Well, ain't ya gonna say somethin'?"

Cas narrowed his eyes.

"_Dean…?"_

"Thaaat's it, keep it goin'."

"_But how did you..?"_

"I'm here; does it really matter how?"

"_But you were…"_

"Yup."

"_Bu-"_

Suddenly the space between them collapsed upon itself. Dean launched himself forward, pulling Castiel against the full length of his body. He crashed his lips upon that of the angel's and grasped the front of his trench coat with the balls of his fists. He paused only for a moment.

"Cas just stop talking."

Dean pressed the angel's back to the wall behind him met his mouth once again; this time with greater fervency. Cas' eyes suddenly grew wide with shock as he came to the realization of the situation he had found himself in. He tried squirming out of Dean's grip and turned his head away from the intense physical contact.

"_DEAN."_

Dean pressed his chest against Cas and breathed heavily onto the nape of his neck "What?"

"Dean what are you doing…?" Cas turned his head and met Dean's green irises.

"What the fucks it look like, feather face?" Dean began nibbling his way to the angel's ear, which made the man take in several shuddering breaths. Cas squeezed his eyes shut and tried shoving Dean away.

"_Dean STOP."_

Dean continued to keep Castiel restrained as he leaned back and gave him a confused glare.

"Excuse me..?"

The angel could feel Dean's quick breaths huffing on his face.

"Dean stop_. Please."_

Dean's face showed no emotion for several moments. Then suddenly his featured twisted, and he cast the angel aside with one arm.

"FUCK YOU." Dean hissed, as Cas tried to right his balance. "…FUCK YOU, CASTIEL."

Dean started advancing upon the man before him. Castiel started stumbling backwards towards the motel room door. "_Dean, please just listen-"_

"I SAID FUCK YOU CASTIEL!"

Cas fell back down upon the carpet. Dean's face was that of pure rage. He glowered down at Cas, who held his hands in front of him with a fearful expression. Dean glared for a moment longer and visibly relaxed, but still bristling at the man below him.

"…_Dean… _what is going on?"

The fire lit back up in Dean's eyes, and he spat at Castiel. "What is going on..? WHAT IS GOING ON?!"

Cas scrabbled back as the man began to menacingly advance once more. "I'll TELL you what the _fuck_ is going ON, Cas." Dean seized the collar of Cas's coat and yanked the angel to his feet.

"You've been dancin' around me like a fucking fairy ever since you pulled me out of the pits, and EVERYONE fucking knows it. You think I didn't notice all the goo goo eyes and your tiny smiles and sideways glances? I mean I've been it on by a lot of chicks but you _take_ the fucking _cake_, sir."

Dean threw Castiel down onto the motel bed and dropped his gaze to the angel once more.

"You've been givin' off the vibes for too long man, and it wasn't until that night with Metadouche that I finally realized what I really wanted…"

He quickly descended upon the man sprawled on the sheets, pinning his shoulders to the mattress. Dean leaned in and hissed into Castiel's ear.

"YOU."

Dean started plucking at the tie around Cas's neck. He unwound the knot and slowly pulled the accessory away from the angel's collar.

"I used to be scared, so fucking wound up in what other people thought of me, that I never bothered to reciprocate. But now things have _changed…_"

A distorted grin met Dean's countenance, and he began unbuttoning the top of Castiel's shirt.

"I'm _better_ now. Better than I was before. And, lucky me, the moment I finally get my priorities straight, you just up and disappeared all over again."

Cas stammered underneath Dean and frantically tried to squirm away again.

"NUH UH. You ain't goin' nowhere angel boy." Dean only held Cas down tighter. "I've been lookin' for you for far too long. I needed you Castiel. I really _really_ needed you… in more ways than one. Could you _imagine_ the kind of frustration that could cause a guy with my kind of power..?"

Dean ripped apart the remaining buttons of Castiel's shirt and brought his tongue to the Angel's navel and up to his torso.

"_P-pp-power?" _Cas stuttered

"Oh haven't you heard?" A hand began to slide open Castiel's belt buckle. "There's a new Dean in town."

Dean's eyelashes fluttered. He blinked up at the angel with black eyes and a vicious smile.

"…_no… No no no this isn't happening…"_

"Oh yes yes _yes_ it IS happening…" The belt slid out from around Castiel's trousers.

Cas began hyperventilating.

"NO. You're _not_ Dean Winchester! You're a DEMON. "

Dean paused at Cas's pants and glanced up.

"Oh _fuck_ you, yes I am." Dean slowly hovered up to meet Castiel's frightened stare. "I mean _sure…_ I might be a little less… _human…"_ He blinked his black eyes as if to emphasize his point. "But that doesn't mean that this _new_ me hasn't been lurking in the shadows all this time. This is really better for everyone you know." Dean slid a finger beneath the band of Cas's pants and popped open the top button. He took the zipper delicately between his pointer and his thumb and deliberately dragged it down to its limit.

"I get what _I_ want, you get what _you_ want… it's a win-win!"

"Dean, no. This isn't_ right_. This isn't really YOU. We can still fix this! We can cure-"

"NO!" Dean barked. His snarling face was inches from Castiel. Dean's face softened after noticing the look of panic on his angel's face. Dean blinked back to his normal acid greed eyes.

"…I mean no, that isn't what this is. I might be a demon, but I wanted this... I wanted _you_... long before my eyes went dark side on ya..."

Dean loosened his grip on Cas, who shimmied away and pressed his back against the headboard. "The only thing that changed is that I don't just want you anymore Cas. I _need_ you. I've been _obsessing_ over you Cas…" Cas began to shake his head, but Dean's expression stopped him.

"Cas… I love you."

This confession made Castiel blink in surprise. _Love?_ _Demons can LOVE?  
_

The silence began to stretch.

"Don't you love me, Cas?

Castiel stammered "Well…_ yes_, but…"

"But WHAT? I'm a_ DEMON_ now so it doesn't matter?!" Dean shot up and began pacing.

"I got a little HELL juice and then I'm suddenly UNDESIREABLE?!"

"No Dean, that's not it."

"THAN WHAT?" Dean tossed his hands in the air. "Don't want all your angel friends making fun of you? Are they a little too _conservative_ to be able to handle a little angel-on-demon action?!"

"Dean, you know that's not true."

"WHAT IS THE PROBLEM THEN? What is stopping this from happening?! I've seen you make out with a demon before, what the hell makes me so different from Meg?!"

"_Dean…"_ The angel's voice took a tone of defeat.

The deafening silence stretched on for what seemed like an eternity.

"Don't you _want_ me too..?" Dean whispered

Cas pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs.

"Yes Dean. Of course I do, I always did. But-"

"I'm _evil_ now..?"

The angel looked up and gave the demon before him a pitying look.

"Evil. Evil, evil, _evil._ That's just what everyone thinks now, right?"

Dean shook his head. "_Murder?_ Is that what makes a man _evil?_ Because if _that_'s true, I went dark side a _long_ time ago." Dean grinned sarcastically.

"I've realized now how_ ungrateful_ the human race is; and how ungrateful I was to you... after all you did for me..."

Cas opened his mouth to speak, but Dean continued.

"Riddle me this Cas, is it _evil_ to cast your own brother out of his home, _especially_ when he needs help the most? Because that's exactly what _Sam_ did to me… that thankless little _shit_."

Dean looked back up at Cas. "He called me a _monster._ He burned me and threatened to _kill_ me, his own _brother…_" Dean's eyes became unfocused. "After all I did for him, that hypocritical little _shit_ threw me to the streets, and you wanna _know_ who was there to help me get back on my feet?"

Cas examined Dean uneasily. "_Crowley."_

"You got that right, feather face." Dean nodded "The_ king_ of _hell_ himself gave me more hospitality and compassion than any human or any angel did. And yet _demons_ are the evil ones. You know what he did Cas?"

"What did he do, Dean."

"He helped me find self-control. All that anger, that rage, that drove me to kill when I was still a human with the first blade? He helped me focus that energy on more important things; like finding you for instance."

Dean scooted next to Castiel, and sat with him at the top of the bed.

"Crowly believes that demons should do what makes them happy. For some, that's killing or torturing humans. For others, it's just drugs, or sex, or even food…" Dean slid closer to Castiel's side.

"For me, its just you."

Dean glanced down at the floor. "Cas I want you to know that I haven't hurt anybody. I didn't go all _killing-machine-rampage _on anybody, and that thing with Gadriel? That was just the stupid human version of me failing to control the power of the blade. I'm much stronger now. Don't you _see_? Any other demon would abuse their new found power, but I knew you would _never_ be with me if I hurt people, so I didn't."

Dean looked weary, his brow knotted and his fists clenched.

"And it was _so hard._ Cas, every part of my physical being _craved_ blood. It _craved_ death. I wanted to run around and shank every asshole in sight, but I _didn't._ I make a far better person as a demon than I did as a human, Cas. I'm _sorry_ I was aggressive earlier, but I've been waiting for the moment I finally found you for a long time."

Castiel seemed to snap out of a trance.

"Dean, I thought you were dead… Metatron said-"

"Yeah it was that fucker's fault. But it really did make me better. I was a loose cannon. It taught me a lesson."

"Dean, I _mourned_ you. I _cried_ for you in heaven. I was so_ miserable_ Dean. I shut myself away from the others. They were all looking to me to rule heaven, but I just couldn't. Not since you were gone"

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "_Dean, if I would have known…"_

"You woulda come runnin' back? Yeah, sure. Never thought to check on Sammy though, did ya?"

Cas hand dropped to his side. "Dean I couldn't_ face_ him. I was _cowardly._ That's why I'm back now. I was worried it would just make things worse for me and him. I felt _so guilty_, Dean..."

"Well you shouldn't. It was my fault Cas. I deserved it."

Castiel's head snapped around in an instant.

"NO DEAN. You DIDN'T deserve this. You deserve BETTER. You're EARNED better; and all you've ever gotten in return for your deeds was more_ suffering_. You deserve happiness, possibly more than any other person in existence."

Cas looked away to hide the tear rolling down his cheek. He had always hated the way Dean would beat himself up. _Doesn't Dean realize how much he means to me? To Sam? To everyone?_

"Cas…" Dean used a finger to turn the angel's face around. He used a thumb to wipe away the tear. "Don't cry for me. I'm not worth it."

"YES DEAN, you ARE. You ARE worth it to me, demon or not! Dean Winchester, you are the single most important thing in my life, don't you DARE try to say you're not WORTH it."

Cas's hand snapped up and closed around Dean's wrist. Cas pulled the palm of the demon's hand to meet his own cheek. "I'm just scared that when we make you human again, this will all go away. I don't want to take advantage of you in this state…"

"I don't want to go back, Cas. Becoming a demon is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have power, like _you_, and I can still use it to help people Cas!"

"Not like me, Dean. My powers are almost gone. I never got my grace back. I'm _dying,_ Dean…"

Dean looked appalled.

"I came back to say_ goodbye_, Dean. I never expected to find you here, I was _ready_ to die, Dean…"

Dean was stunned into silence. The angel 's eyes began to glisten.

"I would have tried _harder_ Dean if I would have known… I could have tried convincing Metatron but he won't talk…"

Another tear streaked down the angel's face. Dean ignored it.

"Wait just a damn minute… Metatron is _still ALIVE?" _ Dean shot up out of the bed and whipped the first blade out of his jacked in a flash. His eyes darkened and his demeanor changed.

"Bring me to him, Cas. _I_ can convince him to tell us where it is…" Dean was fuming.

"Dean, it's pointless. He'll never tell-"

"Yes he will. I'll _make _him. Its like... my _specialty..._ and you know it. We can still _fix_ this, Cas. Crowly proved we can get into angel's heads…"

Castiel stood up and carefully approached the bristling demon.

"_Dean…"_

"No questions Cas. We'll make Metatron pay for it until he 'fesses up…"

Cas stepped in front of Dean. The angel slowly leaned forward and placed a kiss on the Demon's lips.

"Okay Dean. I'll do it for you. I'll do this for us."Cas grabbed the upper part of Dean's arm and pulled an amulet from his pocket.

"This is my portable gate. I can use it to access heaven from anywhere… are you sure you are ready to do this, Dean?"

"Oh I've been wanting to get that Metafucker back for ages. Bring it on."

Cas pressed a thumb to the amulet. The room began to glow around them.

"Oh, and Dean?"

"Yes, Cas?"

"I love you."

Dean smiled as the world around them began to disappear.

"I love you too, Cas."


End file.
